So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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