just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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