i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Come on in and take your pants off
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