i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
