I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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