I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Fuck appropriateness.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
