I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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