I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
