No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
