am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
