ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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