Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he was CRYING into my vagina
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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