You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
