Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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