I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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