the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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