I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
