My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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