He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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