Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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