Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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