She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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