some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
