I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
