I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
