i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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