Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
