I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize