just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
