you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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