I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
