i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
