my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
