Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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