life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just pee around me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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