The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Boobs speak an international language.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
