WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
