Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
