Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
