You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
