i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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