I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
