can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dignity is for republicans.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
