***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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