We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
