go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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