you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
