Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
