i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
