i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
