i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize