Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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