I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
