If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it's not cheating when I paid for it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
