i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
