Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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