This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
