I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
