I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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