just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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