honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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