Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We got so high we made milksteak
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
