New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
