i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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