For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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