i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize