I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i think i have herpe
just one?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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