Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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