currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You left your phone here
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