whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize